Miss Manners: She was late, so I left. Was I the rude one?

DEAR MISS MANNERS The first time my friend left me waiting for her for an hour when we had plans to meet for lunch I expressed my displeasure Related ArticlesMay Miss Manners Was I rude to ask where they got the swell walker April Miss Manners We didn t realize we drank all the champagne for the whole plane April Miss Manners I ve done this for years as a guide but maybe it s an absurd tradition April Miss Manners I hate their dinnertime conversation but I can t just find new friends April Miss Manners I was called a thief for getting fizzy water without paying She defended herself with the same excuses she used in her texts to me She d been running late she d run into traffic In the texts she repeatedly noted sometimes at -minute intervals that she would be there in minutes The second time I had plans to meet her for lunch I waited minutes then left the restaurant She was furious and informed me it was rude not to tell her I had a deadline From her point of view I had changed the rules on her My partner and I invited a couple to our home to watch a movie I never heard from them despite making the invitation by email text and phone call and asking them to RSVP When we heard nothing we changed our plans It was awkward when they revealed up at our door We were not expecting guests they were intent on seeing the movie When I notified them we couldn t possibly have them in they mentioned I should have notified them Perhaps I was to include a sentence saying If I don t hear from you this invitation is rescinded Am I supposed to include consequences in all my communications GENTLE READER No you need only demonstrate them as you have done Miss Manners would like to think that these friends will have now learned that your invitations and patience are not infinite But sadly you and she both know better DEAR MISS MANNERS My husband and I frequently entertain a small group of friends for light appetizers and dinner One friend usually arrives with a tobacco pouch in his mouth and places it on his dinner plate while he dines He will insert another pouch after dinner but before dessert When I clear the table I find the pouches on his dinner plate as well as his dessert plate I have even detected one of these foul things on a linen cocktail napkin in my living room I place the pouches in the trash where they tend to provide a foul odor to our kitchen until the can is emptied Is there a way to let our friend know that I d rather he take his used tobacco pouches home with him rather than have them foul our table and trash can Related ArticlesMay Dear Abby I take the fire stairs so I don t have to answer my neighbors questions May Asking Eric My husband is in the locked bathroom when I come home Should I worry May Harriette Cole The parents didn t tell me about the scary episode at the sleepover May Miss Manners Was I rude to ask where they got the swell walker May Dear Abby I m afraid this celebrity now thinks I m a jerk Should I try to smooth things over GENTLE READER He has given you a present Now it is your turn Next time he is at your house give him his very own used-tobacco holder Mind you Miss Manners has no idea if such a thing exists but imagines something the size of a mint tin with a lid on it or a snack-sized baggie If you are crafty you could even decorate it to make it more presentable At least the first time At subsequent gatherings or when he inevitably forgets the original keep extras on hand that are less decorative and more readily disposable Or tell him that your house is not only a nonsmoking area but a tobacco-free one Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website www missmanners com to her email gentlereader missmanners com or through postal mail to Miss Manners Andrews McMeel Syndication Walnut St Kansas City MO