Miss Manners: Is my husband right that my phone alarm is rude?

DEAR MISS MANNERS I am trying to drink more water so I set an alarm on my phone to remind me hourly Related Articles Miss Manners The graduation invitation now sounds almost like a threat Miss Manners Why do they doubt I m really an engineer Miss Manners What s the best way to dodge a fishy hug And what if they chase me Miss Manners Am I petty to think my neighbors parties are unfair to single people Miss Manners I don t want to sound so curt when they ask about wedding gifts Sometimes I am in citizens when the alarm birds or crickets chirping goes off I turn it off straightaway but my husband says the noise is rude But if I could remember to shut off the alarm when leaving the house I wouldn t need an alarm to drink water in the first place Am I being impolite GENTLE READER It depends where the alarm goes off If it goes off in the car it will annoy your husband but is not strictly speaking rude If it goes off on the subway no one may notice it over the cacophony of other alarms going off unless of class it is the designated quiet car If at the library the symphony or similar locations Miss Manners is confident that the other patrons will be helpful in letting you know that they think you are being rude Diving to silence it when it does go off is of subject essential but it would be much better to get in the habit of checking before entering spaces where particular level of decorum is expected DEAR MISS MANNERS A friend sent me an invitation to her child s th birthday party however it came with a handwritten message that stated It s likely best to come after when the party is over and all the children leave I do not have children I have several friends who do and I typically get invited to their kids birthday parties I am happy to attend if I m able but I don t expect an invitation every time I realize specific of the parties are small family only types or just for the kids in their child s class etc But I thought this was strange It seemed like a way to invite me to a party while sending a seemingly mixed message that I m not really invited after all Why would I want to show up when my friends will presumably be cleaning and everyone else will be departing I m not sure if they just assumed I wouldn t want to come to the party because it will be a lot of children but typically people would let me decide that when inviting me What do I make of it Should I follow up with Am I going to be the only one showing up at that time It feels awkward so I m thinking of politely declining but it has truly left me baffled Related Articles Dear Abby I checked her story about a celebrity classmate and proved she was lying Asking Eric My mother has an inappropriate connection with my ex-boyfriend Harriette Cole My tattletale co-worker keeps running to the boss Miss Manners The graduation invitation now sounds almost like a threat Dear Abby I heard my father-in-law sneak a woman into the basement GENTLE READER You have fallen victim to the evolving etiquette of the children s birthday party which changes so fast that even the parents of young children have trouble keeping up Miss Manners believes that rather than insulting you the likely intent was to offer you the choice of attending the full event or on the reasonable assumption that a roomful of rambunctious -year-olds is not invariably appealing to non-parenting adults showing up for the adult after-party instead Unfortunately that explanation was omitted leaving you to make a choice you did not fully understand or to call the host or another guest and ask for clarification Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website www missmanners com to her email gentlereader missmanners com or through postal mail to Miss Manners Andrews McMeel Syndication Walnut St Kansas City MO