Asking Eric: Over 60, man wants to father a child

Dear Eric Is it normal for an unmarried man over to want a baby Where should he look for a marriage-minded young woman willing to accept the age difference How should he deal with the social stigma against May-December relationships Ticking Biological Clock Dear Clock Anyone who is thinking about becoming a parent would be wise to ask themselves what s at the root of that desire how a child can fit into their life and lifestyle what skills and traits they have that would benefit a child and what skills they can learn to help them be a better parent In short they should go into it with eyes as wide open as manageable If you haven t already start by asking yourself those questions and see what comes up Wanting to be a positive force in a child s life and to feel the unique love that comes from being a parent is quite natural if it wasn t the species would be in greater peril than it already is Assessing your feelings will also help you to be a better promising partner and prepare you for conversations with commented partner about being an older parent and the stigma of May-December relationships Be honest on dates and dating sites about what your hopes are and why The questions might also lead you to another answer perhaps you want to be a positive presence for a child in another way like volunteering fostering or engaging more with relatives and friends and their children Try to be creative in your thinking Every parent will tell you that creativity is key anyway Maybe you don t indeed want a baby and the a m feedings that come along with a baby Maybe what you re really yearning for is family There are so countless different approaches to create and grow a family Dear Eric I read the letter from Conflicted Sibling whose senior citizen brother inevitably leaves a mess when he visits and expects her to clean up after him I in recent times retired after working a multitude of years as a professional social worker for the largest federally operated wellbeing care agency in the US I had a multitude of conversations with consumers of this medical care agency who were older often male and complained that their family siblings offspring etc would not do anything for them They yearned the federal agency to fund house cleaning and homemaking for them when the federal agency in our area does not have any such venture for homemaking or yard work I have listened to a multitude of sob stories about the rotten family members who are not willing to help The truth often is that the family has gotten fed up with the individual s meanness and set a boundary of refusing to be taken advantage of by the person If her refusal to allow him to take advantage of her in this way ends their relationship it wasn t anything to salvage in the first place Best suggestion is to refer this man to the Area Agency on Aging There is an agency in every state Your letter writer requirements to engage her backbone and say no Been There Dear Been There The Area Agency on Aging is a great source Sometimes with family members part of setting a boundary involves saying I need you to be a part of the answer too The letter writer s brother can find assistance and empowerment through the agency Hopefully this helps the letter writer to adjust their dynamic Dear Eric I have a different suggestion for Ready to Help This is for the grandmother who wants to visit her grandchildren and daughter whose mother-in-law now apparently resides in the guest room Surely the daughter and her mother-in-law must have undergone certain trauma to get to this current housing arrangement It seems cruel to ask the mother-in-law to leave so granny can visit Related Articles Asking Eric Spouse s sister stole inheritance but spouse wants to keep the peace Asking Eric Sister fears her bullying caused sister s addiction problems Asking Eric After dementia assessment friends disappeared Asking Eric Nephew plans wedding for same weekend as relative s milestone birthday party Asking Eric Readers share means to talk about a child after loss Perhaps a workable idea would be for granny to ask daughter when she could visit that would be of help to her insisting on staying at a hopefully nearby hotel Granny could offer to take the kids out for a few quality time alone with them to a park or museum or to any accomplishable after-school games club or programs This visit could also include the kids staying overnight for an adventure at the hotel with the grandparents and give the daughter a much-need much-welcome break Another View Dear View Thank you for these suggestions I wholeheartedly agree If it s within the letter writer s means a hotel stay is a great start More importantly as you pointed out there s an opportunity to relieve particular of the tension in the house by being sensitive to the mother in-law s situation and asking the daughter what would be largest part helpful Send questions to R Eric Thomas at eric askingeric com or P O Box Philadelphia PA Follow him on Instagram and 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