Asking Eric: I can’t keep avoiding her, but what my mother-in-law did was really hurtful

Dear Eric I in the last few days took a vacation with my mother-in-law and we had a miserable time It s causing a rift in our relationship Related Articles Asking Eric He s using our mom as a therapist dumping all his darkness and drama on her Asking Eric The parents refuse to cut their trip short despite their teen s problem Asking Eric I m annoyed that this co-worker keeps barging in on me Asking Eric The latest of my friends to vanish had been acting strange on our walk Asking Eric My children are getting stupider and I despair of leaving them my hard-earned money I ve been with my husband for four years now and in hindsight his mom and I had never spent more than a limited hours alone together In those times I ve seen glimpses of a part of her personality that I detected a little laborious but for the preponderance part we ve gotten along fine However we in recent times took a girls trip together to one of my favorite cities and to put it frankly it was awful She complained the entire time about anything and everything the hotel the weather the food people walking on the street the music playing in stores everything I spent the entire weekend trying to make her happy but nothing worked By the time the trip ended I was exhausted frustrated and hurt I was excited to show her a place that I loved and she never even gave it a chance She was miserable from the second we arrived I m not usually one to suffer in silence but because I still feel so new to the family I hesitate to say anything I ve been avoiding family events for a month now but that s not sustainable What should I do Trip Gone Wrong Dear Trip Particular people love to complain and particular people hate having a good time I m sorry that your mother-in-law seems to be at least one of those types if not both I know it hurt your feelings For the sake of your relationship you may want to categorize the trip as an unfortunate lesson you learned about how much socializing you two should do together This allows you to say to yourself and to her if you d like Well that wasn t what I d hoped for so we won t do that again We can stick to the events where we get along I think it will also help if you forgive your mother-in-law for being such a poor sport She rejected your offering and particular of what you re feeling is maybe rooted in resentment about that Staying away from family events isn t going to solve it and only contributes to your unhappiness If you can put this trip behind you you may be able to see other options of building a relationship with her and perhaps more importantly things you should avoid in the future for your own well-being Dear Eric I grew up with family members who made it their mission to tell everybody else how to live their life Because of this contempt for people who have that insatiable need to control others I have been dedicated to the concept of minding my own business I spent more than two decades as a substance-abuse clinician My niece and then my sister reached out to me because my niece has been using opiates heavily which cost her a job and almost led to her being incarcerated I talked to both of them and laid out a very cogent and reasonable plan along with psychoeducation on how the brain responds to opiates My niece went to a therapist once never went to a Narcotics Anonymous meeting never followed up with anything My sister says everything is fine now but my sister s husband has described an entirely different scenario I feel as though my sister invited me into this situation which negates my long-standing principle of minding my own business but I am very concerned my niece is going to overdose and die I want to point out the obvious to my sister who s in denial about the seriousness of this situation and the need for therapeutic intervention now and possibly medication Should I stick my nose in despite my demand that she and other family members keep their nose out of my business since she did initially invite me in Worried in Wisconsin Related Articles Harriette Cole He s flaky and brooding but I can t stay away Miss Manners Why do they doubt I m an engineer Dear Abby I realize now why the others refused to go on my sister s outings Asking Eric He s using our mom as a therapist dumping all his darkness and drama on her Dear Abby Please tell people that there s no friendship after divorce Dear Worried You can and should be as assertive as you can be about this You have firsthand knowledge of the danger that your niece is in and the professional expertise to help everyone avoid catastrophe You also likely know how harmful it can be for family members to downplay the threats of opioid addiction They need an advocate I too like to mind my own business but here we are in my business-minding column and I m declaring temporary absolution You were invited in Moreover this isn t just a difference of perspective this is a family in emergency Anyone trying to help a relative who struggles with addiction should be clear about boundaries however You cannot make someone change and it can be very easy to take their resistance personally Make sure you re checking in with colleagues or friends they ll help you keep your focus on the goal of effective intervention for the whole family Send questions to R Eric Thomas at eric askingeric com or P O Box Philadelphia PA Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas com