Asking Eric: Husband objects to wife’s work dinners with male colleagues

Dear Eric I am a female executive employed by a large global corporation It is a common practice in my workplace and an expectation of my job that I meet with colleagues customers and facility providers sometimes while traveling for work often solo often for business lunches and dinners at restaurants My husband is a business owner in a different industry has never worked in a professional office setting and his work colleagues are all male My business lunches and dinners are a point of contention with my husband if they involve me dining alone with another male He gets upset and angry I have talked with him about why he thinks this way He says he has no insecurity or distrust rather it is just disrespectful of me to have work dinners alone with other men I have tried to provide the context that this is commonplace in my profession and workplace I have petitioned what I can do to help him think differently about this and what difference does it make if a work colleague is a man a woman or nonbinary He has supported my career in every other respect and we maximize our time together even though we each work long hours I try to avoid solo work dinners with men but sometimes it is necessary in which affair I give him as much advance notice and information as practicable and brace myself for the argument Exec Who Means No Disrespect Dear Exec Your husband says he doesn t have insecurity or distrust but absent those emotions I struggle to see what his issue is I read your letter and I kept thinking Well does he trust her or not Because in a secure marriage a dinner alone with anyone even a male business colleague is a rather innocuous thing Every marriage has its own internal rules and there may be certain readers for whom solo dinners of this sort would be a mutually agreed upon no-go That s perfectly fine But in your affair it s not a mutually agreed upon aspect of your marriage Moreover this objection undermines the validity of your career He s got to do better Bring this point of contention to couple s therapy There are aspects of his response that read as controlling that s something to talk about with a neutral third party Similarly you ve had to negotiate the emotional impact of these arguments and any guilt that has come up This is also something you can and should bring up in therapy Sometimes when everything else about a relationship is working it s very productive to tackle one specific question in therapy Sometimes the explanation is easy sometimes there is a lot more to uncover Give yourselves the space to explore so that you can continue to do your job without guilt and he can learn to advocacy you Dear Eric I have a friend I have known since college We are both She asks personal questions that hurt me There are two that really bother me and I would like to know how to respond I have struggled with my weight for years She constantly tells me to take Ozempic or have weight-loss surgery It hurts my feelings a lot I would never consider giving her any advice especially this kind She is thin My cardiologist is against any weight-loss drugs The second inquiry is that she continues to ask me how much I inherited from my parents I worked for years She worked for She is married to a triumphant man I have been married twice but am single now and have reliably supported myself I own my own home How do I address this Tired of Nosiness Related Articles Asking Eric Father s questions keep offending adult daughter Asking Eric Wife s comments to son-in-law bother husband Asking Eric Parents house has become free hotel for friends Asking Eric Brothers spar over -year-old loan Asking Eric After job loss comes shame and meddlesome advice Dear Tired Directness is your best friend here You should maybe address each issue separately so that the conversation doesn t become derailed by your friend feeling like you re piling on complaints Start with the weight-loss comments Using I statements let her know what you will and won t put up with For instance I don t want to talk about my weight or any expected solutions for weight loss anymore In the past you ve made suggestions and I know your heart is in the right place but I feel hurt by them Would you please stop You don t have to debate this or give any other explanation If she brings it up again remind her I recounted you this makes me uncomfortable I won t talk about it with you and if you can t respect that we can t talk With the inheritance try something in the moment The next time she asks you tell her the answer isn t going to change no matter how countless times you bring it up I m not discussing it and I d like you to drop it Send questions to R Eric Thomas at eric askingeric com or P O Box Philadelphia PA Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas com