Asking Eric: Ex-husband turned children against ex-wife

Dear Eric I left my -year marriage more than years ago due to my ex-husband s extramarital affairs We have four adult children who I virtually raised alone as he was never available to them physically or emotionally I craved the children to have a good relationship with their father as I treasured my relationship with my parents I tried to protect the children from what was happening leading up to our divorce I had counseling leading up to leaving him and after and it s taken me a long time to be at peace My eldest daughter was very angry with me for a long time after our divorce and blamed me for the breakup and any issues her dad was having with other people I haven t been able or requested to go into details with her and I reported the psychologist we saw together this was how I felt and she didn t advise against it My challenge now is that he is or has slowly alienated me from the children and grandchildren He chose to live with the wealthiest of the women he was seeing and they have done very well Christmas this year was much better as my eldest daughter questioned if we could have a joint gathering instead of one with him and then one with me and I revealed that s fine But I find he is rewriting his our family history When we were together I would say he treated the truth with careless disregard I don t know that I can be bothered doing anything about his behavior I guess in spite of everything I remember the man I thought he was and now I think he is rather sad Do you agree I should just let it go If they believe he is the victim and good guy well so be it Just Want a Peaceful Life Dear Peaceful Yes let it go but with an asterisk You know the truth as you experienced it and resigning from the debate society doesn t mean that you have to accept a different narrative or even let it go unchallenged But for the sake of healing it will be helpful to sort out what you need in order to feel at peace I know that it s incredibly painful to have your children poisoned against you particularly after all you did to preserve their relationship with their father You don t have to keep shielding them if you are in any way But as your letter alludes you may stand to lose more by trying to win them over than you would by focusing on the relationship you can have with them separate from their father You ve had to focus so much of your time and mental resource on this man even after the divorce You have the opportunity now to focus on yourself and I m glad you re interested in taking it Prioritizing your own life and interests will not only make you happier but it creates an undeniable narrative you re doing just fine and your children and grandchildren would be lucky to know the real you better Dear Eric I work in an outpatient center where I along with a limited others see multiple patients lactating parents working on feeding their babies On my lunch break I choose to close the door put my feet up and close my eyes for minutes Several times a coworker had opened the door when starting her shift looking for an open exam room without knocking which caused me to startle and we both scared each other We are merely coworkers hi and bye and nothing else This has also happened while I am in the middle of a consultation with a vulnerable parent feeding their baby All doors are closed during consultations It baffles me that this has happened not once or twice but a total of six times in the last year The only thing I can think of to say is Can you knock But I fear I will come off annoyed which I am It also makes me question this coworker s knowledge of informed consent if she has no issue entering a room without knocking Please help Related Articles Asking Eric Retired friends disappear from life Asking Eric Parents ashamed of children who won t adult Asking Eric Daughter s volatile responses make relationship formidable Asking Eric Mother struggles to accommodate daughter s veganism Asking Eric Sibling took inheritance now she wants sister to carry a child for her Don t Knock Knocking Dear Knock Since this habit has the possible to impact patients experiences and potentially their privacy a coaching conversation is in order Even an annoyed one But even keeled and direct works too Try something like Hey I ve noticed that sometimes you enter closed doors without knocking Can I offer various advice It s best practice to knock first for the following reasons Here s where your expertise comes in Additionally a little sign or a Post-It on the door when you re on your lunch break that reads Please don t disturb until or something of that nature will reinforce the message Send questions to R Eric Thomas at eric askingeric com or P O Box Philadelphia PA Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas com