Asking Eric: My husband thinks the neighbors will retaliate over the trash issue

Dear Eric We live in a big city where houses are very close together Related Articles Asking Eric Should I sign my husband s name when I confront his old girlfriend Asking Eric My partner embarrassed me with his behavior toward our neighbor Asking Eric Is it up to me to tell my niece what her mother won t Asking Eric My mother is the bad guy in the divorce Why should I forgive her Asking Eric My co-workers are bound to find out my age My neighbors keep their trash bins on the driveway My living room and kitchen are right next to their driveway so I hear banging from the bin lids all day long as they throw away dog waste and more They have three dogs and the bin banging begins early sometimes before in the morning When I worked I ostensibly didn t notice it as much but I m retired now and it is really getting on my nerves I want to ask them to please try and close the bin quietly instead of just letting the lid drop and bang but my husband thinks they will retaliate and make it worse We mostly have a good relationship with them but I do not want to have this banging the rest of my life Ideally they should put their bins in the alley but I would settle for quiet shutting as I guess it is convenient for them to keep the bins on the driveway Your thoughts Quiet Please Dear Quiet If you have a mostly peaceable relationship with your neighbors it doesn t seem likely that a request like this would escalate to retaliation It s a reasonable ask and your solutions either moving the bins or being more conscientious about shutting them are seemingly easy to implement Whether in a big city with its close proximities or a remote piece of land where the nearest house is barely in view or somewhere in between we have to figure out how to live in harmony with those around us As with any other relationship one of the foundations of good neighbor-hood is communication And that runs both procedures When you let them know what you re experiencing you empower them to make a change So don t be afraid to speak up Now it s also true that various people are well jerks And if that s the development and they set about making more noise rather than less then you ve got a different issue But I m hoping conscientiousness wins out for your sake Dear Eric I have remained close with my college roommate Chris for years Life has not been easy for her due to various strength issues which I believe all stem from her unhealthy eating habits About years ago after Chris was laid off from a job she loved and had worked at for years she detected herself in a financial bind She came to stay with my family in another state for several months rent-free while she looked for another job and an affordable apartment neither of which panned out After she advised us that she was going to stop looking until she got back from a cruise I at last realized we were being taken advantage of and had to ask her to leave Before Chris left we paid off her car loan to help her along Since then she has continually called to ask for money because she knows I can afford to give it to her She has requested for and been given money from other friends as well to help her out with her curative bills The last time she called I in the end put my foot down and stated her I was not going to give her any more money Now I find myself feeling guilty but I am also feeling resentful I do worry about Chris and what will happen to her Am I wrong for feeling this way Guilty Friend Dear Friend It makes sense that you d feel a complicated mix of emotions You care about Chris and have for decades and you want what s best for her You ve also put a lot of strength into helping her out But from your telling Chris isn t being working enough in finding solutions to her financial troubles Or at least as proceeding as you d prefer So the guilt likely stems from the feeling that you can do more even though you suspect that doing more for Chris might not solve the underlying issue Related Articles Dear Abby I don t love him but I m thinking he might be the smart choice Asking Eric Should I sign my husband s name when I confront his old girlfriend Harriette Cole All my boyfriends have the same bad trait and I m tired of it Miss Manners Is it really that weird to ask the server to pick my meal for me Dear Abby How should I warn them about what s happening in the breakroom It s worth considering that Chris may have other struggles that are preventing her from getting back on her feet This doesn t give her free license to treat you like an ATM but perhaps thinking about her journey in a different way will help ease the resentment you re feeling Now that you ve drawn the line you have an opportunity to redefine how your friendship works You might talk with her about how those requests felt to you and how you re feeling now The goal is to clear the air a bit so that ideally you can be there for each other as long-time friends and potentially you can provide backing for Chris in procedures that aren t monetary Send questions to R Eric Thomas at eric askingeric com or P O Box Philadelphia PA Follow him on Instagram oureric and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas com